Happy New Year...once again, damn, can't get this regular blogging down to a pattern!

SOOOOO Much has happened! last update was about my boobs and my pre-op appointment. I had the surgery on 12/8 and they are beautiful. I was worried for a, confused at my decision, because they seemed SO small. But actually they're perfect! I was released from all physical restrictions yesterday, which was 7 weeks since surgery. They didn't look this good in high school hahaha So we're adjusting. Cheryll says she feels like she's cheating on me because it feels like a different woman hahaha My healing has been great with the exception of the stray dissolvable stitch popping through which is so strange. I have very light scarring around the areola and down the center of the breast. The most obvious scar lines are under the breast (the anchor part) and no one sees that anyway. They look really good and best part is I can go braless this summer!!!!

Our puppy Romeo has gone through the wringer. He has a genetic disorder and his patellas (knee caps) luxate, meaning they pop out of position at the slightest movement. We learned this the hard way after two emergency visits to the vet. First was 11/25 and second was about two weeks after my surgery. We met with the recommended orthopedic surgeon who is affiliate with our vet office and decided to use him as Romeo's condition was worsening. The rescue we got him from wanted us to run around and get 2nd, 3rd opinions, from their other vets. I ultimately decided against this because a vet is a vet is a vet and will tell me/confirm the same things we know. We needed to get a specialist to review him and I wasn't comfortable if the regular doctor was going to do the surgery. The rescue kept saying they could find a cheaper alternative (about $1500-2000 less in cost) and that rehab wasn't a big deal, confine the dog for several weeks, etc. That was in exact opposite of what the original specialist told us. Just like humans getting knee or hip replacements, you want to get them moving within 24 hours and keep them moving within restrictions. So we had the first of two surgeries on 1/14, his hind right knee. The ortho and his wife (the rehab specialist) kept him at their home for a week to make sure he was ok and prepared to come home. We also get a life line and consistent weekly updates/visits with them for the life of the dog! Our rehab consists now of two walks a day for 10 minutes each where he must bare weight on the leg and walk normally. He's in a soft cast and looks pitiful hahaha and has to wear the cone of shame because he tries to mess with his cast. So far so good....about another 8 weeks before he gets the second surgery. He needs to be able to move better and our pockets need to recover lol 

We are moving by end of February. We've been renting for the last 4 years in a town home that is walking distance from Jordan's elementary school. Next year she'll be in the middle school which is not walking distance to/from where we live now. And we only signed a 6 month lease extension so it's up on 3/1. This whole experience has been a bitch! My landlord, while we had a great relationship the past few years, is being a neurotic crazy woman lately. It's because I'm finally saying no to the things she wants to do. For instance, she wanted to re-list the house for sale just two weeks after my surgery, have me have the place in "show condition", clean/declutter, and while we're packing insists we put our boxes in the garage and out of the way. ummmm F U!! Bitch didn't I just tell you that I have to recover and have restrictions for the next 7 weeks????   I AM NOT THE OWNER! Also, I was pretty offended that she was told by the realtor (who I was kind enough to let in to look at the place just before and just after my surgery) we have clutter because I am a major OCD neat freak and keep this place IMPECCABLE! What renter/tenant gets the carpets cleaned every 3-6 months? replaces filters in heating/ac system every 3 months? replaces filter in fridge every 6 months? Not to mention the three toilets we fixed on our dime and time, or the hack jobs her step dad does that ultimately cost us all because she wants to save a penny (like the time he botched the electricity in the hallway while we were on vacation and we came home to the garage smelling like a dead body and our full size freezer being destroyed, losing hundreds of dollars as it needed to be thrown away with all the food we lost!!) Things like this is what I do because I believe you should take care of other peoples stuff better than your own. I allowed her to list the house the last time 8 months early and participated in showing the property myself several times. I even let someone come through to see the place after being pressured by her last realtor, on the day my daughter came home from having her eye surgery!!! WTF??? So she's doing things like calling A LOT, emailing A LOT, sending her step-dad over to do minor repairs like fixing up the little backyard we have... unannounced!!! He just shows up and starts plugging away in the backyard! Once it was a Sunday at 2pm...REALLY??? Back in December I pushed back and referred to our lease and told her she couldn't list the house until the earliest 30 days prior to the end of the lease as stated in the lease. This I'm sure is what set her off. I told her how I've been a GREAT tenant and was highly cooperative the last time around but the circumstances and situation now just aren't the same...she needs to back off!


We are looking at a place this Saturday that feels like the one. It's a two bedroom condo with hard wood floors and 1600sqft of living space all on one level...great for Romeo...it's beautiful!!! Fingers crossed that this is it! I just have that gut feeling that it is :-) And then we will move by 2/18 and good riddance of this place!


Tuesday is my last "official" date on payroll with my job. It's been nice...now comes the unemployment filing (yuck) and looking for a job once we move. 


All of these life events have had me pretty low lately. I went to the doctor to talk about it yesterday and she thinks I'm severely depressed and started me on some stuff to help in the meantime of seeing a therapist again. These are ok/good things...I need something to change in me. Most days I don't get out much, I forget/don't want to eat, and just wanna sleep til 11am. I don't have this luxury...I have a family I have to be here for. I've lost 18 lbs since surgery. Feels good but is not healthy. I have been very sad and anxious about all these changes and I've kept it pretty much to myself. Mostly to my friends I'm this bubbly energetic thing all the time. Cheryll gets to see the other side and I want to make sure I'm not so broken for her anymore. So I think this is the responsible thing to do...seek help. 


I couldn't start culinary school when they called this time around...day program and I needed to be here for Romeo. But I'm still on the list and hope a spot in the evening or weekend session opens up :-) I really don't want to lose momentum.


Obviously all these things have put the wedding planning on the back burner. I need to go back to work if we're gonna pull this off. Why does everything cost so damn much?? lol  We had a GREAT idea though....our wedding planner, Heather of O.C.D. Events, posted a blog about doing a milk & cookies dessert at weddings using girl scout cookies. We were going to do this anyway...we don't want the whole traditional cake thing, we are doing a coffee/hot chocolate thing with milk & cookies. SOOOOO in the wake of all the girl scout controversy about their inclusion stance of transgender children stating  "If a child is living as a girl, that's good enough for us. We don't require any proof of gender." and that California GS who was trying to get everyone to boycott cookies this year...we are purchasing anywhere from 50-75 boxes of cookies for our wedding! We will be supporting our little cousin who is a GS by purchasing from her, also supporting a local GS troop, AND making our dent in cookie sales this year in support of their inclusion policy! YAY!

Until next time...

Pre-Op Appointment Today!

I'm very excited!  I want to touch base on a few updates but want to start with my breast reduction surgery. It was finally approved on October 15th, after I had previously been denied. Let me back track for a bit and tell you why I want to have this surgery.

I have been heavy chested all my life. From the time I hit puberty, much younger than the average girl at the age of 9, I began rapidly growing breast tissue. By the time I was in the 7th grade I was wearing a C cup. I have struggled with back pain, sleep issues, chest compression issues, and large sizes lol for most of my life. Back in March of this year, 2011, I had this amazingly intense dream where I had breast reduction surgery, and I could feel the emotions, see my smaller breasts, etc. It was so real to me that when I woke up and realized it was just a dream...I cried so much. I talked to Cheryll about it and went to see my doctor to start investigating the process. I had my first appointment with the plastic surgeon on April 7th...Cheryll's birthday.  From there the surgeon's office prematurely submitted my claim and I was denied by the insurance in late June. I quickly gathered up more of my medical records, got  recommendation letters from all my doctors...made a second appointment to take updated photos to submit with the appeal. And on October 15th, the same day we decided on our wedding venue, when we came home that evening I had my letter of approval! YAY...so awesome! I am easily emotional to begin with but this whole process...as I'm nearing the date...I find myself even that much more sensitive and a bit overwhelmed. This is all I've known...and while the surgery is much needed and wanted...it's a little intimidating. I'm nervous and excited all at once.

I'm starting a video blog which I will post in YouTube and link here. I want to capture my experience for my mom and family mostly...but I don't mind sharing it with all of you either :-)

On the wedding front...we contracted the venue, wedding planner, have our officiant, all is on track. The culinary orientation went great also...I will start either full time or part time weekday evenings this upcoming February! Still hanging on at work. Today was supposed to be my last day but get this, they forgot to enroll me in the lay-off wave and now I was extended another two weeks hahaha We're going to Vegas for the weekend this weekend and I'm stoked! Never been there!!  AND our save-the-dates are amazing!!! Sara + Ryan Photography rocked it as usual! Also got is a great printing deal and it was awesome! Check it out, I freaking love it!!!

Updates, Updates and MORE Updates

It's been a while. This seems to be my usual tag line lol
Here's what I've been up to!

#1 - I SAID YES TO THE DRESS!!! I LOVE MY DRESS!!  It is nothing like anything I thought I wanted. I tried on only 3 dresses before this one in the style I thought would fit the theme of our wedding. Sheath, beach-y, flow-y...they were not as flattering as the Vera Wang I fell in love with!! I insisted that I was not buying my dress at the first place I went to, on my first appointment, so Cheryll came with. I had my BFF Michelle there, her mom, Cheryll and Jordan. I tried the dress on for shits and giggles because I knew it was nothing like what I had my eye on from the beginning. I just couldn't help myself...the fabric would make any bride feel absolutely beautiful! I've never felt so comfortable being plus size. I feel absolutely wonderful in this dress! So yes, Cheryll saw it and now we're making her attire our surprise at the wedding lol

#2 - My new dress prompted a theme change in the wedding. This dress just doesn't fit into the backyard luau theme! The venue must fit the dress, right? lol I don't want to look out of place at my own wedding! So we searched private homes to see if something would fit our needs. My old boss even offered his backyard to us at no cost!! An amazing gift! Ultimately however, we were given a great deal at a beautiful hotel in San Diego that we just couldn't pass up.  The wedding will be at The Estancia La Jolla!!  Take a look at this gorgeous property...we're SOOOO excited!!!

Valet area

 Evening on the property

Olive Lawn...where our ceremony will be!

#3 - Just over a month ago I was give my departure information at work. What a relief! I have to admit the anxiety I had been carrying somewhat dissipated. My last day in the office will be 11/17 but I remain on payroll through January and then receive more of a severance than I expected. I feel very lucky to have this gift of money that will go toward our wedding expenses and I am grateful for the down time to focus on my family through the holidays!

#4 - I was approved for my breast reduction!!! YAY!!! It's scheduled for 12/8 and covered by my insurance! This has been a long time coming!!!  While I have the usual reservations about going under and the recovery process...I am looking forward to feeling better and sleeping better!!

#5 - I have an orientation scheduled for 11/8 for a culinary program in SD. I'm very excited to see what they have to offer. It's a program that is free for SD residents and I can complete full time or part time. I'm hoping that we can afford for me to start this sooner than later and be able to knock it out full time. I'm praying a lot about it. I just want to finally do something I truly love. Now is the time! I have been blessed with so many wonderful resources and opportunities!

So all in all...not bad huh?? Wedding planning is moving along....I know what's up with work....I feel pretty darn good :-)

Kinda...sorta...melancholy

So I'm kinda sorta melancholy...I keep having these anxious moments of how the hell are we really pulling this wedding off in a year!! I'm out of a job soon, taking on the new opportunity to finish a culinary program...new puppy...Jo & Zoe to keep taking care of on top of maintaining what we've got to monthly!

Am I being unrealistic?? This makes me sad during a time when I should be nothing but happy! I keep thinking about how we want a house so bad...is it responsible to have a "wedding" when we don't even own any property? Is it responsible to save $$ toward one day when we could be saving it for a permanent residence? I wax and wane all the time!!

God...I know you listen and I know that there are bigger things to focus on...but if my dreams of having a wedding are truly unattainable, can you step in and tell me so? I know through you all things are possible! You can move mountains to make a path where there is none. Please provide me clarity and discernment as we traverse through this rough journey. I promise to do as you wish...your will be done above my own! I just really need your presence right now!

Our new baby boy!

This past weekend we, a midst the gazillion things I always plan for us to do, stopped by an adoption event at a local shelter. Unbeknownst to many...we have been talking about adopting a pup for some time now. Everyday my sweets sends me links to puppies she finds online. So on this particular Saturday we wanted to see the huskies that Coastal German Shepard Rescue had for adoption.

By the time we arrived (20 minutes after the event began)...the one husky we were interested in had already been adopted...booooooo. So Cheryll and I just walked around taking in all the furry chaos ensuing and probably sulking a bit.  Cheryll spotted a very sweet boy by the name of Arvin. He was in his crate with the other puppy they found him roaming the streets with on 7/15/11. He was so gentle and sweet...very calm. He reminded her of Babie. It took one question from me after I saw her interaction with him..."You want to take him home?" and she said "Yes!" so I said..."Go do the paperwork!".

And that was that!  We have a new baby boy....WELCOME ROMEO!! Named for his loverboy tendencies :-)

He is so precious! And such a great boy!!  Zoe is tolerating him...they are able to be in the same room with minimal stress lol. She is being very good too. Fingers crossed that they keep it up!!

This is her tolerating him lol

Yesterday's Epiphany

So there's a local radio show here in San Diego that my BFF turned me onto. Yesterday I awoke to the news that one of the show personalities lost his mother in the middle of the night. She passed away somewhere between 11p-1a.

The show, minus the one affected, went on to talk about how wonderful his mother was. They talked about how much of her he embodied by his spirit, character. How some of his reactions, gestures, reminded them so much of her. How her legacy carries on through her children because in knowing any of them...you get glimpses of her.

This got me thinking about how much Jordan is so much like me. We have the same attitude, spunk, vivaciousness for life! So many people when they're around her remark how she is so much like me. Her smirks, smiles, sassy-ness. I admit...this used to make me feel so uncomfortable. God-forbid Jordan turn into my true mini-me. The horror! Why did this bother me so much?

So after listening to all the radio banter..I resigned myself to the fact that hey...I'm not half bad! And if there is anything we should leave our children with...if there is anything anyone can take away from my life and who I was, how I lived...what a blessing it would be for everyone to see bits and pieces of that as Jordan lives on!!

Isn't that a beautiful gift? That one day when people are reminiscing about me and my life, they can still be part of part of me...as Jordan will radiate my spirit! So while this is not true for all, but many, how awesome is that??  Don't miss me when I'm gone...share in my daughter's life and you will still have ME!

It's been a while...

Hello all...gosh it's been a while!!  I've been busy, but haven't we all?  I know...terrible excuse :-/

I'm still working at the big conglomerate pharmaceutical company. Responsibilities and workload have dwindled. All other departments here are also facing the same downsizing and realignments we've been dealing with since last November. At times, I have a heavy anxiety about everything we need to accomplish over the course of the next year, all those obligations pending, like getting married, moving and facing new work all in the next 12-13 months!!! But this week in particular, I've made it a point to constantly remind myself of who I am, where I've been and how much more I am capable of!  I am not that weak-hearted individual who cowers in the face of change and forgets that she comes from an infinite source of love and cannot fail!!

So new plans need to be made. Sure! Things are changing...quickly...but that's ok...it's always been OK!
When my departure from this job is set in stone...I'm looking forward to the new opportunities I'll have to recreate my destiny.

Cheryll is still on track to reach her career goals by the end of this year. While we had a minor set back there as well, because she fractured her right tibia and could not complete her training just yet, they think so highly of her that they kept her employed, on payroll, and she will finish by the end of this year! My baby is amazing!! She has perseverance and determination like no one else I know in my life!

I want to do something I love to do! My next steps toward that will be to take some culinary classes, get some formal training, if/when I get laid off. Of course, once I'm able to complete this step, there's absolutely no immediate money in the restaurant business hahaha So I will go back to an office job if I need to and do something on the side with my new training. I LOVE TO COOK! People love my food! I have some ideas on how to start up my own little side business. So we'll just have to wait and see!

Wedding plans are developing. We were gifted another engagement session with Same-Sex Photography by Sara+Ryan (http://samesexphotographyblog.com/) WHO ARE AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHERS!  SERIOUSLY!!! So being the typical Libra I am, I am now having doubts about the photographer we contracted for the wedding!!! Sara & Ryan were so comfortable to be around...our pictures were incredible!! I'll put up a separate post about this session with some of the great pics they took! We are scouting venues, just trying to see what the cheapest way to go will be! And we're not totally closed off to going the destination route. Mexico is close and cheap! So another area we'll just have to wait and see about!  We narrowed down the guest list...decided that Cheryll will be most comfortable in a vest/pant custom suit option (and she looks freakin' HOT in this!!) and I've narrowed down some dress options that are pretty darn cheap...so I'm excited about that.

(Cheryll trying on a random option)

Jordan had been on the east coast with family this summer. I miss her a lot more than I thought I would hahaha The house is quiet. We gave the guinea pig to a nice 11 year old girl who will take excellent care of her. We just didn't have the time in our schedules to devote to her. Now Zoe, our crazy pup, is acting really weird with Cheryll. We think she thinks that she's the next to go hahaha 1st Jordan left, then queso...so the dog is moping around and acting clingy with ME of all people hahaha

Mom came to visit and it was nice to get to spend time with her even if she stayed at my sister's place. That was a nice "privilege" to have them let her come over to the lesbians house hahaha Yes...still a source of contention  But I've resigned myself to stop trying to bridge this gap they've created. I love my nephews and I will see them when they are 18 and can make decisions for themselves. I have no other choice anyway.

(This is my mom!)

I'm done ranting and raving...
THE END...for now :-)