It's been a loooooong week!

So work has been super stressful...but I am trying hard to leave it where it should be so I won't bore you with the details but it has become more of a chore than a passion lately.  Yea yea yea...I know...that's why they call it work, eh?  But I used to really love what I do...now I'm just "blah" about it.  So on to other subjects :-)

I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to propose and where within Disneyland.  I'm going to call their wedding division this week to see if they have any suggestions/information for me.  A mutual friend thinks I should take Cheryll to Snow Whites wishing well and have her close her eyes, toss a coin in and make a wish. Then when she opens her eyes I'll be standing there holding the ring.  This is a very cute idea!

Regardless of the "how", I also came up this neat idea for the day...I think it would be cool to have us both wear these t-shirts:

THEN after I propose and after she says yes (of course she will lol)...we can change into these:

I know...super silly!  But it's right up my alley and something I would totally do.  I'm always trying to make us wear similar colors, shirts, etc. (see previous post with ALL of us wearing the "Marriage is so gay!" t-shirts at Pride.)

THEN....when we go to Disneyland for "Gay Day" in October....we can wear these:

HAHAHAHA someone stop me now...'cause I'm on a roll!

Got the ring yesterday!!!

It's so much more beautiful in person. It's perfect...I hope Cheryll feels the same :-) We wear the same ring size and the fit is nice!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

I've decided I will propose at Disneyland on 8/25 since it's sentimental to both of us. It's the anniversary day of when we met and the place we went to on our first date.  I have all our friends who are coming along for the day in on this secret.  My friend TJ will take pictures (candidly hidden as I propose.)

I'm just not sure where at Disneyland I should do it!  I have one month to prepare...wish me luck :-)

The Perfect Song...

Tonight I asked Cheryll what song she may like to play at her wedding (one day...lol as if she doesn't know what I'm fishing for.)  She said she wasn't sure; there were too many to choose from. I agreed.

Well in perusing the internet while she's sleeping tonight I found a perfect song.  It may not be that kinda R&B type of song we love but the lyrics of this song are amazing...Nedra Johnson is a lesbian musician and she captures it so lovely...

Forever With Me - Nedra Johnson

Let’s stand before God
and those who understand
that what we do is love.

I’ll say I do
I hope you will too.
Let no man tear asunder
What God has made one.

Let’s trust our hearts
And live for our dreams
‘cause I believe my praying
brought you to me.

So I will not refuse
This blessing I’ve been given.
Though some may disapprove,
I’m in love with you.

And love is always patient
And love is always kind
And I know love is neverending
When I look in your eyes.

So I’m down on my knees
And I bought you a ring.
Baby, won’t you please
Spend forever with me?

Forever and ever
Forever with me.
Forever and ever
Forever with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOc9nLIRQuo

This weekend: Love :-) Pride ;-) Sadness :-(

So this weekend was San Diego Pride!  I kicked it off by volunteering my time with the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) and their STAND UP FOR EQUALITY comedy event featuring comedians Dana Goldberg & Alex Mapa. HYSTERICAL!!  OMG...I nearly pissed myself.

Then I went out with my new gay boyfriends Ryan & Moises (not a couple...but we all volunteered together.) They were about the only two I didn't know at this event because the others were a chick I used to date and her cronies...which we're all pretty nice and pleasant with me but the girl was such a meanie...I'm so glad it didn't work out uugghhh!  Cheryll met up with us for some apps & drinks and we had a good 'ole time!

Saturday morning was another story. Couldn't drag my butt outta bed early enough and we didn't get down to the Hillcrest area for the parade until about 9:30am-ish. Parking was a biatch. We drove around for nearly an hour before finding a lot that was sufficient...but also about 1 mile walk to the end of the parade route. All in all it was a prime location because after the parade we were only blocks from our cars. We got to eat some good food...meet up with my FB friends from Closet Talk...and I think I even saw a few people from from the wedding blogs I stalk on-line! My friends and Cheryll all think I'm nuts with this blog stalking stuff hahaha so I'm forbidden to approach or otherwise make an ass outta myself in public.

Here are some pics from Pride:

The Fam

Jo on the curb

Ms. Jujubee from RuPaul's Drag Race!

We found my company at the end of the parade and hopped in for a bit!

Us with my BFF Michelle (her baby Elijah was sleeping)

Elijah & Jo

Me & Cheryll

Ok...so now comes the tough stuff. The weekend was grand until Cheryll got a message from her brother on Sunday afternoon telling us that her dog, Babie, was not doing so well. She had stopped eating and drinking. Babie was 16 years old and the first dog Cheryll ever bought with her own money. She has been Cheryll  best friend for over half her life. We drove out to her parents house and I sucked up all my crap to be with her and support her through this. Her family was nice...met her mom, dad and brother. They weren't particularly emotional about Babie's condition but her dad helped us load her into the truck so we could take her to the emergency animal hospital. Poor Babie...she was so quiet, so sweet...she was ready to go. This was my first experience with having to put a pet to sleep. I've never seen Cheryll cry at all and it was hard to see her so upset. We were able to spend her last moments with her and it was very peaceful. I'm very proud of Cheryll that she made the decision without hesitation knowing that it was the right thing to do so that she wouldn't suffer anymore. I would have hesitated and possibly gone broke in the process of trying stuff that in the end wouldn't have made a huge difference. So now on to the healing. It's particularly difficult for me to stand by and just kinda be in the background while Cheryll's grieving. I suppose this is what a good partner does and this is part of the bad with the good, huh?  Tonight we're gonna lay low, take my two doggies for a long walk and defrag. Work has been horrendous for both of us and we need to take better care of each other during our off hours.  We're what matters most after all!

RIP Babie (1994-2010)

 

OMG OMG - I DID IT! I BOUGHT THE RING!!!

I am SUPER emotional right now as I'm posting this (as if i'm not typically emotional HA!) lol

I have SOOO much to blog about but I need to start with this one as it's fresh and I'm in the moment.

So my baby's down today because we had to put her dog down yesterday (which I'll blog about in another post.)  I'm at work feeling helpless. She's so sad and there's nothing I can do. So what does a woman do when she's feeling this way?  SHE SHOPS!! lol

Now...Cheryll and I have spoken about rings, likes/dislikes, etc. In passing a few weeks ago I showed her this one and she said she liked it the best out of all!  My baby works with her hands and she's definitely not the traditional kinda girl. She wanted something in an inlay setting, flat, won't catch on anything.  Today when I went to look at it again...the price had increased. Now I've also been thinking about this ring for a while now. Even this morning lying in bed I'm telling myself, "Just do it! You have the $$ right this second...just do it!"  So I DID IT!! I BOUGHT HER RING!!

My hands were all clammy and my heart was beating WAY fast and my breathing was icky lol and I was on the phone with my friend Shanda at the time talking about something else...she had no idea what I was doing until I interrupted her and told her to be quiet I had to buy Cheryll's ring lol...I started to cry lol What a sap I am!!

WOW...I'M SOOOO EXCITED!!!  I CAN'T WAIT TO PROPOSE!!!  I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA WAIT HAHAHA

Let me just state for the record...

'Cause I've been receiving quite a bit of inquiries wondering if Cheryll & I are engaged yet. WE ARE NOT!

However...I've already looked at rings, know what she wants, and we've already had discussions about weddings and marriage and likes and dislikes 'cause everyone and their motha is getting married over the next year, and we are "saving up" for some big purchase in the next two years of which neither of us has vocally defined. She's even suggested a cool date as a good day to get married within the next two years.

Here's my dilemma...I was thinking about proposing at Disneyland since that was where we went on our first date BUT another option is during our Hawaiian vacation in October that we're taking as a family.

What do you think?

Hawaii would be more intimate and it's one of Cheryll's favorite places. No matter where we do it, it'll be me AND Jordan proposing together. We're a unit and Jordan is very much involved in our relationship. She's super siked about this...she really loves how we involve her in nearly everything and how I'm allowing her to be part of this important milestone.

I hope she can keep my secret that long!  Oy vey!!  In my eagerness to share all these things I'm thinking about and planning toward...I didn't think of that little part.

Another thing is I've asked all my friends and family, who I let in on this blog, to keep this a secret from Cheryll. I don't want her to see it until we get engaged...she has to say yes first, right???

Then it will flow into a blog where all our friends and family can follow our wedding plans. I've been so inspired by all the other blogs I follow and I'm so excited to join the ranks. I couldn't think of a better gift than to share with Cheryll all these blogs as soon as she says yes! Ahhhh I'm so in love :-)

XOXOXO

By George...I think I've got it!

As I approached my 30's, back some many moons ago, I decided that since I'm older and would be paying for my own wedding, I would not have a wedding party and do the whole pomp and circumstance stuff! Besides, I have several close girlfriends and how would I ever pick a maid of honor??

I think I've found a way to include all my closest girlfriends...I will ask each of them to read something of their choosing as a gift to us at my wedding. It will be great to see what they've selected and prepared to share during this special day. I want all my "girls" to feel like they're part of something bigger...of our love...because they were the ones holding it down with me before Cheryll entered the picture.

The countless hours of bitchin' and moanin' haha, and tears!  So many tears!  They should all know how much I have valued their friendship and how much I love them as if they were truly family. I have been very lucky for how each of them have influenced my life and how well they have loved me and Jordan and now Cheryll.

Oh...how we've fallen in love with CheryllAnne...

I use the word "we've" because Jordan and I are a unit, a pair.  She is my doppelgänger, a mini-me, but not in the ghostly way that word has previously been used.  She emanates my boldness but has softer edges of her own.


It's amazing to watch Jordan fall in love with Cheryll.  I mean, that's what it is, she's learning to love someone new. She's welcomed her into our lives just as easily as I have and previously, this was unheard of. I like to think Jo is at a phase in her life where she is expanding emotionally as her physicality is also growing, changing. 

Last night we went to see fireworks with friends and as we were leaving I witnessed Jordan in her purest form. She stood up and hugged Cheryll so tightly. It was instinct and natural for her. Jo is not much for words when describing her feelings. It's always in her actions that you see this purity in her. My heart smiled. 


They have a rhythm of their own. My girls are always conspiring and plotting things behind my back but not in a bad way. It's always for jest and laughter.  Like the time about a week ago where I was walking along, la la la, head in the clouds and WHAM! Cheryll smacked my bottom so loudly I swear the sky roared and those clouds my head was in rattled around.  Jo nearly collapsed in her giggling hysteria. They had apparently been watching me walk along for a little bit and once again, plotted against me for their own amusement. 


And then there was last night before leaving to see the fireworks. I had such an emotional day yesterday which went from crying over equal rights and being a lesbian to crying over reading other lesbians love stories and wedding stories and all that jazz.  I had just come out of my room and was hollering at Jo to hurry and get her shoes on so we can leave. Standing at the credenza in the hallway I glimpsed something out of the corner of my eye, turned immediately, jumped and screamed being startled in the moment and chucked my phone at whatever was there. It was Cheryll. Both of them dropped to the floor cracking up at my reaction. Jo knew Cheryll was there. I was not expecting her home at that time; she was supposed to be with her family. But my girlfriend is amazing and has been the only one in my life to ever anticipate my needs. I needed her, to be with her after my overly emotional ranting and raving of a day. I didn't, and wouldn't have, told her I needed her...but she knew. 


I'm always trying to define everything in my life. Like it all needs to be so orderly and described in perfect little boxes in my brain. Categorized and organized.  What a joke, huh?  So I'm always thinking about what makes this relationship so different from all the rest. How is this love different?  When I think about the way Cheryll cares for us, the simplicity of the things she does that speak volumes about her character, it overwhelms my heart. I figured it out last week...when I look at her in our most intimate moments just lying in bed and talking...this is the first person, first relationship, that reminds me of the love I immediately had for my child when she entered this world. Here I am safe, nurtured, exposed yet loved unconditionally. I remember when Jo was born how I knew in that instant that this was the purest form of love I had ever experienced and how sad I also felt that I truly believed that type of love could not exist between lovers, friends. 


But it found me! Over the course of disappointment in failed relationships I grew tired, weary of all the clichés out there that we so want to believe in with all our hearts. Now I know what they mean when they say..."You'll just know when you meet the right person. Something will just click!"


I love her for what she is and what I am when I am with her. I love her for what she has made of herself and where she is headed and for what she is making of me in this journey. I love her for pulling out of me all of the beautiful things that make me who I am, that no one else had looked deep enough to find. I love her for taking the worst of me with the best of me even before our vows. 


And I love her for helping me to realize that who I am today, where I am in life, and all I have to offer right now, in this moment, is truly enough for the right person!  


XOXOXO

Why I started this blog on the 4th of July...well, isn't it "Independence" day after all???

Happy Birthday America! Land of the free...home of the brave! We hear this all too often. Blah blah blah blah blah!

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE MY COUNTRY! This is not a post about "let's hate on Obama" or "bless the troops, damn the military." We are extremely fortunate to live in the USA.

I've let someone who I don't even know affect my mood this morning as I reflected on a post in Facebook (of all places!) I know better...but this individual is family of my girlfriend and it triggered some thoughts. Ironically it's "Independence Day"...and I'm contemplating my own independence and what it means for me to live here, now, and how I wish.

I am a lesbian. This is my truth...as natural as tying your shoe is to you. I did not choose this...this is me! Most of my family and all of my friends are accepting, loving, supportive and caring of me. Their love transcends any ignorance or religious politics. But there are real hard sentiments, words and situations we LGBT individuals cross paths with everyday. I cannot legally marry my girlfriend in most of our states...even then it is not "acceptable" to many, whether legal or not. I get awkward looks when holding her hand in public or kissing her. And some even feel the right to vocalize their opinions in ways that are completely disrespectful (uugghh my sister!) or make comments about the travesty my daughter is experiencing by being raised in a home with two lesbians! The horror! lol Sometimes these things make me sad, like today, but mostly they give me strength and the umpf that I'm so well known for in my circle.

So this blog is a tribute to everything that I am and a tribute to this beautiful family we're trying to build together. I love my girlfriend and can't wait until I can call her my wife one day...she's the one!

Have a happy & healthy 4th of July people!!