Happy New Year...once again, damn, can't get this regular blogging down to a pattern!

SOOOOO Much has happened! last update was about my boobs and my pre-op appointment. I had the surgery on 12/8 and they are beautiful. I was worried for a, confused at my decision, because they seemed SO small. But actually they're perfect! I was released from all physical restrictions yesterday, which was 7 weeks since surgery. They didn't look this good in high school hahaha So we're adjusting. Cheryll says she feels like she's cheating on me because it feels like a different woman hahaha My healing has been great with the exception of the stray dissolvable stitch popping through which is so strange. I have very light scarring around the areola and down the center of the breast. The most obvious scar lines are under the breast (the anchor part) and no one sees that anyway. They look really good and best part is I can go braless this summer!!!!

Our puppy Romeo has gone through the wringer. He has a genetic disorder and his patellas (knee caps) luxate, meaning they pop out of position at the slightest movement. We learned this the hard way after two emergency visits to the vet. First was 11/25 and second was about two weeks after my surgery. We met with the recommended orthopedic surgeon who is affiliate with our vet office and decided to use him as Romeo's condition was worsening. The rescue we got him from wanted us to run around and get 2nd, 3rd opinions, from their other vets. I ultimately decided against this because a vet is a vet is a vet and will tell me/confirm the same things we know. We needed to get a specialist to review him and I wasn't comfortable if the regular doctor was going to do the surgery. The rescue kept saying they could find a cheaper alternative (about $1500-2000 less in cost) and that rehab wasn't a big deal, confine the dog for several weeks, etc. That was in exact opposite of what the original specialist told us. Just like humans getting knee or hip replacements, you want to get them moving within 24 hours and keep them moving within restrictions. So we had the first of two surgeries on 1/14, his hind right knee. The ortho and his wife (the rehab specialist) kept him at their home for a week to make sure he was ok and prepared to come home. We also get a life line and consistent weekly updates/visits with them for the life of the dog! Our rehab consists now of two walks a day for 10 minutes each where he must bare weight on the leg and walk normally. He's in a soft cast and looks pitiful hahaha and has to wear the cone of shame because he tries to mess with his cast. So far so good....about another 8 weeks before he gets the second surgery. He needs to be able to move better and our pockets need to recover lol 

We are moving by end of February. We've been renting for the last 4 years in a town home that is walking distance from Jordan's elementary school. Next year she'll be in the middle school which is not walking distance to/from where we live now. And we only signed a 6 month lease extension so it's up on 3/1. This whole experience has been a bitch! My landlord, while we had a great relationship the past few years, is being a neurotic crazy woman lately. It's because I'm finally saying no to the things she wants to do. For instance, she wanted to re-list the house for sale just two weeks after my surgery, have me have the place in "show condition", clean/declutter, and while we're packing insists we put our boxes in the garage and out of the way. ummmm F U!! Bitch didn't I just tell you that I have to recover and have restrictions for the next 7 weeks????   I AM NOT THE OWNER! Also, I was pretty offended that she was told by the realtor (who I was kind enough to let in to look at the place just before and just after my surgery) we have clutter because I am a major OCD neat freak and keep this place IMPECCABLE! What renter/tenant gets the carpets cleaned every 3-6 months? replaces filters in heating/ac system every 3 months? replaces filter in fridge every 6 months? Not to mention the three toilets we fixed on our dime and time, or the hack jobs her step dad does that ultimately cost us all because she wants to save a penny (like the time he botched the electricity in the hallway while we were on vacation and we came home to the garage smelling like a dead body and our full size freezer being destroyed, losing hundreds of dollars as it needed to be thrown away with all the food we lost!!) Things like this is what I do because I believe you should take care of other peoples stuff better than your own. I allowed her to list the house the last time 8 months early and participated in showing the property myself several times. I even let someone come through to see the place after being pressured by her last realtor, on the day my daughter came home from having her eye surgery!!! WTF??? So she's doing things like calling A LOT, emailing A LOT, sending her step-dad over to do minor repairs like fixing up the little backyard we have... unannounced!!! He just shows up and starts plugging away in the backyard! Once it was a Sunday at 2pm...REALLY??? Back in December I pushed back and referred to our lease and told her she couldn't list the house until the earliest 30 days prior to the end of the lease as stated in the lease. This I'm sure is what set her off. I told her how I've been a GREAT tenant and was highly cooperative the last time around but the circumstances and situation now just aren't the same...she needs to back off!


We are looking at a place this Saturday that feels like the one. It's a two bedroom condo with hard wood floors and 1600sqft of living space all on one level...great for Romeo...it's beautiful!!! Fingers crossed that this is it! I just have that gut feeling that it is :-) And then we will move by 2/18 and good riddance of this place!


Tuesday is my last "official" date on payroll with my job. It's been nice...now comes the unemployment filing (yuck) and looking for a job once we move. 


All of these life events have had me pretty low lately. I went to the doctor to talk about it yesterday and she thinks I'm severely depressed and started me on some stuff to help in the meantime of seeing a therapist again. These are ok/good things...I need something to change in me. Most days I don't get out much, I forget/don't want to eat, and just wanna sleep til 11am. I don't have this luxury...I have a family I have to be here for. I've lost 18 lbs since surgery. Feels good but is not healthy. I have been very sad and anxious about all these changes and I've kept it pretty much to myself. Mostly to my friends I'm this bubbly energetic thing all the time. Cheryll gets to see the other side and I want to make sure I'm not so broken for her anymore. So I think this is the responsible thing to do...seek help. 


I couldn't start culinary school when they called this time around...day program and I needed to be here for Romeo. But I'm still on the list and hope a spot in the evening or weekend session opens up :-) I really don't want to lose momentum.


Obviously all these things have put the wedding planning on the back burner. I need to go back to work if we're gonna pull this off. Why does everything cost so damn much?? lol  We had a GREAT idea though....our wedding planner, Heather of O.C.D. Events, posted a blog about doing a milk & cookies dessert at weddings using girl scout cookies. We were going to do this anyway...we don't want the whole traditional cake thing, we are doing a coffee/hot chocolate thing with milk & cookies. SOOOOO in the wake of all the girl scout controversy about their inclusion stance of transgender children stating  "If a child is living as a girl, that's good enough for us. We don't require any proof of gender." and that California GS who was trying to get everyone to boycott cookies this year...we are purchasing anywhere from 50-75 boxes of cookies for our wedding! We will be supporting our little cousin who is a GS by purchasing from her, also supporting a local GS troop, AND making our dent in cookie sales this year in support of their inclusion policy! YAY!

Until next time...

To Plan or Not to Plan? THAT is the question!

Had a semi-meltdown last Tuesday when I took it upon myself to call about an estate home I fell in love with in pictures. This home is perfect...but the price I was quoted was ASTRO-F'IN-NOMICAL!!  hahaha MORE than having it at my beloved L'Auberge. Here started the tears....

I was so overwhelmed with variables of how to make this work, do we need to "stay" overnight, who are we trying to "help" with this arrangement, it's my f'in wedding - rent a hotel if you wanna come, yada yada yada. I can totally see how easy it is to become a bridezilla lol

I reached out to several friends...one of which had the time to talk and calm me down - thank you :-)!  I also sent a text to my friends Justin and Heather of O.C.D. Experience and O.C.D. Events based out of LA. Heather called me back and just in our brief conversation was able to offer up some great advice/alternatives.

I got home and Cheryll had the "what's up with you?" look on her face so I sat down and told her that I was beginning to really stress out about the IDEA of ALL that needs to get done with the wedding planning. I know...I have time everyone says...but with everyone that tells me that there are equally as many people that are screaming "Get the ball rolling as soon as possible!"  What's a girl to do?

Cheryll is the most amazing woman!  Within reason, all she wants is to make me happy and help make my dreams come true. I received an official quote from my friends on what it would take to have them plan our wedding start to finish and all the services they provide. Wow! It's really involved! And when I ran down the list there were things I didn't even think of! Like ushers?? like holy crap this is A LOT of planning and appointments! My head wanted to explode.

I see this just as I see paying to get your house cleaned. It affords me the luxury of time and piece of mind. Time being with my family vs. cleaning the toilet, etc. If i'm not broke and can afford to pay the $$, why not?? Also the lady that helps us once in a while with the house really works hard, does a better job in 4 hours that I could ever, and really needs the money.

So planner, no planner? Someone I trust and the freedom not to carry the burden of every piece along the way?  A chance to help a friend too...more exposure for their new company, networking for them in the San Diego area and the opportunity for them to grow their business? The answer is simple for us. Cheryll said yes, as long as I remember that she is the planner and I'm supposed to be stress free in this process lol!

So I'm gonna call Heather this week and we're gonna go with her!  YAY!  I'm super excited!!!

Happy New Year!

I'm soooo late with this Happy New Year lol but here's why...

Christmas was great though it flew by. I was happy to have many days off to be home and get the house in order. Christmas eve was spent at our house with friends and my mom was able to join us for dinner surprising Jordan. 

I have to admit some things here...I'm not feeling all too "happy" yet in this new year. Maybe it's the "season" for being down or something. Typically I'm the more chipper happy-go-lucky type who peps everyone else up. But lately I feel like the world, and things around me, are just bringing me down man. And there just seems like there's soooo much to manage all around. 

1st - Mom visiting...touchy subject. I love my mom but she came out here on my sister's dime and that posed some restrictions. See, my sister and I we don't get along and that's putting it nicely. She and her husband, although having their own "gay" lifestyles in the past (marriage of convenience? maybe!), do not agree with mine in the present. Oh they will spout some crap about our failed relationship being based on some garbage I supposedly told another family member (although I have proof of that email exchange and they are the liars!) but it really boils down to their organized religion and what it had bread them to believe about homosexuality and the sort. I suppose they even feel "cured" themselves. Who knows? But mom was staying at their place and was able to spend Christmas eve with us and one day later that week before heading back to PA. Two things suck the most about this. A) We couldn't see my nephews. I still sent presents through my mom. But we weren't allowed to see the boys. B) I had to deal with my daughters tears over not being able to see her grandmother again until next summer and how they had such little time to be together when  she was here.

2nd - The work thing is kinda stressing me out although I don't generally talk negative about it but I simply do not trust anyone I work with anymore. Sad to admit but I feel like every time I walk into this building someone is up to something! Behaviors of some of the people I work closely with are so sporadic and questionable that it's making me sketch out! Not based in reality I'm sure. My therapist would have me look at the facts of things first, then focus on only those facts rather than the circumstances I may be "creating" in my own head hahaha Good part is that I've volunteered to cover the work of a colleague in another department while she is out on maternity leave. So if I don't get axed before end of March...I'm solid through June!

3rd - Because of all the work uncertainty we haven't moved forward really with any solid wedding planning. I still feel like i'm in the dream state of "is this really happening?" Sure we "talk" about a lot of little things with it. I feel like I'm the only one really really thinking about this wedding and having ideas. I know that Cheryll would rather keep it simple and elope lol Part of me feels like this would be the easiest thing to do too. I'm so stuck on this dream I've always had about getting married and having other people there...people who I love the most with me. I don't want it to be some big pomp and circumstance. I don't need anything over the top. But I'm finding myself feeling bad about the little things that I do want. Am I being selfish because I want something that I, not you or anyone with an opinion, wants? I've been vocal about things that I want. But also I feel more bad that Cheryll hasn't voiced anything really. I don't know anything that she wants. And this makes me feel really alone right now. I know she's focused on her work and the upcoming academy in March and has her own stressors...but really? I feel like I'm always having to work with other people's stuff and around other peoples schedules...can someone throw me a bone please?? I know money is always a factor and we are starting to save and can't make any major deposits yet (we really don't have to until fall of this year) but can't we atleast devote some "together" time into really discussing this? I have no clear "theme" or "colors", I have ideas, but without her input...I'm kinda up in the air with everything.

4th - We had the over-the-range microwave in our kitchen short out. I got to pick out a really nice one but yesterday was a hot mess at home. I had scheduled the housekeeper to come on a morning when Cheryll didn't have to wake up early...big mistake 'cause Cheryll had to jump outta bed when she got there. Home Depot scheduled my delivery for 9a-1p which coincided with everything else. Ugghhh it was nuts for a little bit. Cheryll was late to work 'cause she couldn't shower until Estella was done in our room and then the truck blocked the driveway, and she had a terrible attitude about it all lol which put me on the defensive and left me in a mood. The garbage disposal had also stopped working during the holiday and it's since been fixed but the outlet cover/switch is still exposed and I don't care that it's not the same color but the guy did so now we have to wait until he's available again to change it out and complete the job!

5th - I've started my 2011 Goals list and I think they are very practical things I want to accomplish this year...trouble is I'm sooo not motivated!  When I'm home, after laundry, and cooking, and dealing with Jordan...all I want to do is lay in bed and watch TV!

So all this leads up to a big question....Could I possibly be a little depressed???

We're going to our first bridal show this weekend and meeting up with some friends. Let's see if my frown turns upside down :-)

Our NEWly decided upon name!

So while we were in Hawaii...I brought up this topic once again. For me it's important to make sure we have a shared name because let's face it, when you tell people you're married that's one of the first outward appearances they look for. Now I know some of you may ask why I would want to subscribe to the masses or why I would care about outward appearances and such. But hear me out now...

To me legally changing our names means that we are taking our union just as seriously as we want others to. It will make life easier once everything else is in line. We have to draw up our wills, file for domestic partnership in California IF they don't repeal Prop 8, complete our medical advance directives and power of attorney. All this AFTER paying more to legally change our names in California because although our marriage license from MA will have our new name, California doesn't recognize our same-sex union as it stands today. THEN Cheryll has to legally adopt Jordan so that Jordan can receive our last name.

Do you see all the BS we have to go through??  Makes my head and my stomach hurt all at once! But I would never trade a second of it! Being with her and being her wife is the only thing that matters!

Drrruuuuummmmm roooooolllllllll pplllleeeaaaasseeee

Our new hybrid name will be......

ABRIO

Short, sweet, to the point!

We decided our name out of two choices which Cheryll came up with and did a coin toss, sitting at the outdoor bar at the Hilton Hawaiian Village on 10/17 while drinking. Yup...us in a shining moment hahaha

JUST ENGAGED AGAIN!! Birthday Brunch AND CHERYLL'S PROPOSAL TO ME!!!!!

WOW! YES! AMAZING!

I knew she was up to something!  I kept telling our friends I just knew something was up. See...some call it sneaky, snoopy...I call it intuition and being highly psychic sensitive!  Yup...thats me!

So on Saturday, October 9th, I had this big brunch planned with all my closest friends. One of my besties, Amy, and her husband and new baby girl Haylie were coming for the weekend from Yuma. I had friends coming down from LA and Temecula. It was an absolute beautiful day. I planned this brunch at JRDN Restaurant in the Tower 23 Hotel in Pacific Beach San Diego. There was a huge street fair going on so roads were blocked. I was late because I just had to pick up my favorite cupcakes from Batter Up Cupcakes in Rancho Bernardo to celebrate with. We were supposed to start at 11:30...we started more like 1pm. But that was fine because they had the most yummy strawberry orange mimosas.The weather was awesome...there was music playing from the fair...the babies were dancing and I was surrounded by people I loved. I forgot my camera so I only have a few pictures from the day. I'm waiting on my friends to send all of the pics they took so I can upload them.

Me, Joy & Susan

Michelle had to leave early-ish to take Elijah to Disney on Ice so she prompted the b-day gift opening. I got some cool stuff. Then came the big box. Now, it was disguised as a gift from Bed, Bath & Beyond but I knew better. I had even brought a small clutch knowing that in that box was my new purse and I could just slide my old one into my new one :-)

Sure enough...there it was:

So pretty :-)  But that wasn't all. Inside there was a DVD that said "Play Me" and when I turned around Cheryll had a portable DVD player ready. We popped it in and everyone gathered around. The video was pictures of us...starting with our first date at Disneyland, the Wild Animal Park, our trip to Magic Mountain, etc. In the background there was music...my fav Michael Buble song "Just haven't met you yet", then it transitioned into Gerald Levert's "I was made to love you", and ultimately Musiq Soulchild's "Someone". It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me. There were lovey-dovey quotes intermittently strewn through the video. Apparently this is what her Aunt had been helping her put together over the past few weeks since she's been so busy. At the end it said Happy Birthday! Then the last two screens read "Tami Will You Marry Me?" and a "Yes or No" hahaha

The box!

This is us watching the DVD...

I swear I wasn't pissed or anything lol...love Cheryll's laughing here!

I was ballin' lol

When I turned to Cheryll she had my ring in her hand and I kissed her and said "OF COURSE!"

Then Jo joined us.

This is my beautiful ring!

Here are our rings together!

(Blue diamonds are so beautiful!)

So next week is our trip to Hawaii!! I'm super excited!! Then when we get back it's save, save, save! 

We are planning on waiting to see what California ultimately decides in the Prop 8 BS.  It would be nice to be legally married in our own state. But if they don't overturn it and open up marriages again by next Summer, we will fly to Boston and get our legal on out there. We're visiting my family for the 4th so we'll fly to MA, apply for the license, head down to PA, hang out and firework it, head back up and have our ceremony around 7/7 or 7/8 and then back to Cali on 7/9.  It'll be small and just our friends from MA & maybe NY. Then I can get the fabulous Kelly Prizel to photograph our ceremony :-)

I also want to gather all my east coast besties to go dress shopping in NYC on 7/5 or 7/6. Joy will be there visiting her family at that time too and I'm trying to get Michelle to come out for a few days so we can all do this together!  It's gonna be amazing.  The dress I hope to find will be worn during our big sha-bang on 10/11/12, destination still TBD.  We're kinda all over the place with this...last week I was talking about buying a house in 2012 and having a backyard wedding hahaha we'll see what we actually end up with. One things for sure...it's going to be amazing!!!!

XOXOXO!!

The Perfect Song...

Tonight I asked Cheryll what song she may like to play at her wedding (one day...lol as if she doesn't know what I'm fishing for.)  She said she wasn't sure; there were too many to choose from. I agreed.

Well in perusing the internet while she's sleeping tonight I found a perfect song.  It may not be that kinda R&B type of song we love but the lyrics of this song are amazing...Nedra Johnson is a lesbian musician and she captures it so lovely...

Forever With Me - Nedra Johnson

Let’s stand before God
and those who understand
that what we do is love.

I’ll say I do
I hope you will too.
Let no man tear asunder
What God has made one.

Let’s trust our hearts
And live for our dreams
‘cause I believe my praying
brought you to me.

So I will not refuse
This blessing I’ve been given.
Though some may disapprove,
I’m in love with you.

And love is always patient
And love is always kind
And I know love is neverending
When I look in your eyes.

So I’m down on my knees
And I bought you a ring.
Baby, won’t you please
Spend forever with me?

Forever and ever
Forever with me.
Forever and ever
Forever with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOc9nLIRQuo

OMG OMG - I DID IT! I BOUGHT THE RING!!!

I am SUPER emotional right now as I'm posting this (as if i'm not typically emotional HA!) lol

I have SOOO much to blog about but I need to start with this one as it's fresh and I'm in the moment.

So my baby's down today because we had to put her dog down yesterday (which I'll blog about in another post.)  I'm at work feeling helpless. She's so sad and there's nothing I can do. So what does a woman do when she's feeling this way?  SHE SHOPS!! lol

Now...Cheryll and I have spoken about rings, likes/dislikes, etc. In passing a few weeks ago I showed her this one and she said she liked it the best out of all!  My baby works with her hands and she's definitely not the traditional kinda girl. She wanted something in an inlay setting, flat, won't catch on anything.  Today when I went to look at it again...the price had increased. Now I've also been thinking about this ring for a while now. Even this morning lying in bed I'm telling myself, "Just do it! You have the $$ right this second...just do it!"  So I DID IT!! I BOUGHT HER RING!!

My hands were all clammy and my heart was beating WAY fast and my breathing was icky lol and I was on the phone with my friend Shanda at the time talking about something else...she had no idea what I was doing until I interrupted her and told her to be quiet I had to buy Cheryll's ring lol...I started to cry lol What a sap I am!!

WOW...I'M SOOOO EXCITED!!!  I CAN'T WAIT TO PROPOSE!!!  I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA WAIT HAHAHA

By George...I think I've got it!

As I approached my 30's, back some many moons ago, I decided that since I'm older and would be paying for my own wedding, I would not have a wedding party and do the whole pomp and circumstance stuff! Besides, I have several close girlfriends and how would I ever pick a maid of honor??

I think I've found a way to include all my closest girlfriends...I will ask each of them to read something of their choosing as a gift to us at my wedding. It will be great to see what they've selected and prepared to share during this special day. I want all my "girls" to feel like they're part of something bigger...of our love...because they were the ones holding it down with me before Cheryll entered the picture.

The countless hours of bitchin' and moanin' haha, and tears!  So many tears!  They should all know how much I have valued their friendship and how much I love them as if they were truly family. I have been very lucky for how each of them have influenced my life and how well they have loved me and Jordan and now Cheryll.